Sunday, September 26, 2010


Motherhood is the most humbling human experiment. Here's what I recognize over and over again. I need to continue to shift my paradigm, & my energy. I have moved through most of my life under major stress and pressures--playing the role of the "over-achiever". My career was ultra demanding and often included unhealthy environments. Like most people, I found a way to move through life greatly over-extended (on all fronts). I would compartmentalize the bad parts and pretend like it was all great.

I realized this wasn't enough for my daughter. As a single working mom, my time is very essential and I committed myself to aligning my time to work that I believed in. I did that and made a major career move thinking I was serving myself and my daughter by spending my time away from her in a way that I could be proud. Sure, it comes with less security and much more risk but it's something that I truly believe in and I'm determined to make the new path work.

What I realized tonight, is that I may have changed professions & priorities for the better but I didn't necessarily change how I moved through life. How I deal with stress. How I hold energy. How I view things. My ridiculously high expectations. My self loathing. My people pleasing burden.

ding. ding. ding.

What I know to be true (thx @Oprah) is that any issue I seem to have is really my issue and that I need to "hold" it differently if I want a new reflection, a healthier energy, a better interaction. I need to relearn how to: let go, love myself, set boundaries, "clean my energy". This obviously needs to be tied to a spiritual practice along with finding tangible tools to keep me in check.

Simple I know but a "ding" for me nonetheless. I'm hoping that I'll be able to hold this "shift" in the highest consciousness so that I can serve LT & myself in the best way.

And thanks LT for giving me some clues to come to this realization --- forever...Learning to Liv.

A human being fashions his consequences as surely as he fashions his goods or his dwelling. Nothing that he says, thinks, or does is without consequences.
– Norman Cousins


Liz said...

Yes, the bad news is that wherever you, you take yourself with you! The good news is that you don't have to settle for the status quo, especially once you realize it's not working for you. Create a vision for your future and then go for it!

Jennifer said...

Really appreciate this post. Am inspired by your journey. May you discern and imagine everything necessary for your adventure.