3 Great Things About Today

As represented by 3 of Liv's shoes (the green from grandma, the pink camo from me and the silver sandal from Auntie Lexi)

#1 - Andy and Mom are in town!!!! and they decided they must try out for a Chorus Line.

Seriously, we had a fun night...went for an outstanding burger at the Father's Office and then to a Chorus Line in honor of mom's bday. Andy is still singing Singular Sensation two hours later.

#2 - I received confirmation that my dossier has made it to Ethiopia! Showing support, Andy busts out his Ethiopia T for bedtime and Rocky goes wild. And by the way, I love that he has this t-shirt independent of my adoption.

#3 - Mom brought home a special gifts (including the green shoes above) for Liv from Mexico. Mi gusto mucho.

and I'll throw in pics of the pups (Bluebird and Rocky) because they are just so darn cute...

Liv & Love

Happy Father's Day. This morning as soon as I woke up I said Liv's name and then I said it backwards and besides all the other reasons for me loving the name, I realized it was also a part of my father's name Orville and that made me really confident and clear. So as much as I've thought about the name Liv and why I like it, today had a special meaning.

-meaning: a vow with God and the intention behind it

-shortened nickname for Elizabeth (my middle name)

-And now part of my father's name (by the way a very unusual name)


So maybe it's a coincidence that it's part of his name and that I just realized it today or maybe it's poppy putting the thought in my head, saying he'll be there to watch over us. I believe the later. Here's a postcard that Melinda gave to me from my dad that he loved that was saved with a note (don't use). I thought it would be perfect to share today.

I also want to salute all the other fathers & men in my life - Andy, Manuel, David, Jet, Kris, Russell, Sandro, David, Takeshi, Sensei just to name a few....thank you for all your love and support!

Dear Dad,

Because you learned
Because you shared
Because you gave
Because you felt
Because you dreamed
so do I.

Because you loved me
Because you wished for me
Because you honored me
Because you saw me
Because you believed in me
so do I.

Because you are strong
Because you are proud
Because you are love
Because you are accepting
Because you are grace
so am I.

Because of you, I am me.

To Poppy, I love you and I miss you. Happy Father's Day.

I'm Waiting!!!!!!

It's official, I am waiting for a child. This happened Monday June 9, 2008. And I was fortunate to be in the amazing company of Alexis, Sandro and Tom in NYC having dinner at a fabulous restaurant that Russell found and recommended called Momofuku (the lucky peach) with the most divine pork buns in the universe. So over a bottle of wine, strawberry hamachi and best friends we celebrated. I think of her with love and prayers. Here's my baby picture - maybe we'll look alike ;)

And a major congratulations to Annie http://anniesadoptionadventure.blogspot.com/ who just brought home her beautiful daughter. I am so thrilled for you both.

EthiopiaLives.net

19 Ethiopians turn the camera onto their own lives. I just found this super cool photography site supporting local Ethiopian photographers.

The Approval Process

Several of you have asked what steps you need to go through before your approved and waiting for a child - so here's what I had to do:

• My agency's application
• My homestudy agency application
• A letter to the Ethiopian authorities expressing my desire to adopt from Ethiopia, why I wanted to adopt from Ethiopia, and my requested age range. I chose a girl.
• References from friends, coworkers, family, neighbors and community members
• Certified copies of my birth certificate
• Copies of my passport
• Passport pictures
• Copies of my Marriage License
• Original copies of my divorce decree
• Pictures of me, my house, extended family and dogs
• Directions to my house and a diagram of my floor plan
• My tax returns from the last 3 years
• Health and life insurance cards
• A government form called the "I-600A: Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition", which, after submitting this to the US Citizenship and Immigration Services, goes through a lengthy process that includes my FBI background check and fingerprints as well as a detailed social work document on me, and turns into an "I-171H: Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advanced Processing of Orphan Petition".
• A local police clearance letter
• FBI fingerprint background check
• A child abuse registry check
• A physical examination
• A letter stating I was employed (w/my salary and hire date)
• A detailed financial status document (included income, assets, liabilities, etc.)
• The homestudy report done by a CA licensed social worker. She spent a half day at the house with me asking questions and updating our homestudy report. This report was submitted to the US Citizenship and Immigration Services and to the Ethiopian government.
• Proof of Hague Educational Training

Because there's a systematic approach to completing this and steps are dependant on other steps it takes a bit of time. I was able to complete these steps in 6 months but it can vary quite a bit. Also keep in mind that every bit of information MUST be notarized, then authenticated by the State Department so there's quite a bit of paperwork management. The good news is this process has a way of making you get your "stuff" together.

STATS: Ethiopian adoption increased from 732 in 2006 to 1,255 adoptions in 2007. Ethiopian government offices are now straining to keep up with the huge influx of paperwork. If the numbers of families interested in Ethiopia continue, we may see more slowing of processing times. I hope that additional staff will be hired so that kids can continue to come into families in a timely manner. It would be wonderful if progress could be made towards better supporting Ethiopian families so that fewer children would become orphans in the first place. But as long as the numbers of orphans in a country can be counted in the millions, I see an increase in adoptions from Ethiopia as a good thing.

OVERVIEW: Ethiopia, a land of rugged beauty, is the oldest independent country in Africa and one of the oldest in the world. The only African country that was not colonized by a European power, it is known as "the land of a thousand smiles." The ancient home of the Queen of Sheba, it was left bankrupt by years of civil war. Drought, floods, famine, and disease have pushed many thousands of Ethiopian children into institutions, because their parents are either no longer living or are unable to care for them.
A number of U.S.-based adoption agencies have been authorized by the Government of Ethiopia to provide adoption services, and several others pending accreditation. The government office responsible for adoptions in Ethiopia is the Adoption Team in the Children and Youth Affairs Office (CYAO), which is under the Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA). Private adoptions are permitted in Ethiopia, but discouraged by MOWA because they take place under local adoption rules and may bypass the process and protections put in place by the Government of Ethiopia relating to international adoption.
Ethiopia requires families to submit post-placement reports on their children at 3 months, 6 months, and one year after the adoption. Yearly reports until the child turns 18 are also required.

CIS Approved

WHOOOPEEEEEEEEEEEE. Today Officer P. called to tell me that I received Citizenship and Immigration Approval to bring a child into my home. I was so happy because this process could have taken up to 8 wks but only 2 1/2 for me (thank you). So I chose to ship all my paperwork to a person in Sacramento who will get the Calif. Secretary of State to authenticate my final paperwork (in 2 days rather than 3 wks) which includes: CIS approval, notarized homestudy report, notarized social worker license, notarized agency license, notarized financial statements. Once this is authenticated it will meet the other paperwork (that's already been authenticated) and be sent off to the Ethiopian Government for approval. Fingers crossed that within the next 1 to 2 wks I should be on the official wait list.

It's hard to explain what a huge feeling it is to have the paperwork off my plate. The last six months have been document heavy. The IA (International Adoption) paperwork plus the name change really challenged my organization skills and patience. I would like to thank Kate for her expertise, Natalie for her tips, Laura for always helping me with the dirty work, Dena for her countless signatures and all my great friends.

This milestone also triggers a mind shift for me. Because I've been operating from a one step at a time place, I now can really start mentally preparing for Liv and all that means from a more emotional place rather than the logistical tasks I've been focusing on. I pray for her every night and feel much closer to the reality of having her.

I want to thank Dayna for going to CIS with me today and share with everyone this thoughtful t-shirt she gave me.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." – Chinese Proverb

WE are FAMILY

I just returned from a much needed family bonding weekend. I got to kiss and cuddle and squeeze my favorite little ones AND spend some wonderful quality time with my sisters AND go to Becky's baby shower (so happy for her and Brian) AND spend time with Lexi. ***Dosage Administered***
I had some 1 on 1 time talking to Ava, Landon and Stone about their new cousin and prepare them for Liv's arrival. Ava (6yrs) asked me if Liv would speak English or French. I explained to her that Liv would learn to speak English but that she was from Africa and she said "wow" I don't even know what that sounds like, is it "go goo, ga gaaa?" I smiled and said, "yeah Liv is going to get to teach both of us a lot of new things." I feel so lucky to have these little ones in our life.
Liv's precious cousins - Landon, Ava and Stone

And we can't forget cute cousin Sydney:Tina & Suzanne, I also want to say thanks to the greatest sisters in the universe. This is for you:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us;it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Marianne Williamson as quoted by Nelson Mandela in is '94 Inaugural Speech). I love you both.

P.S. You are NEVER, EVER...EVER allowed to take me to the Syndicate Lounge again! xoox.

Congrats! and paperwork update

I'm so happy for my NBM/PF (new baby mamma/pappa friends)!!! Today they are officially on the wait list. This means that all of their paperwork is finished and they will be waiting for a child. This is an extraordinarily big moment because all of you who understand, the level of paperwork coordination and what it takes to get everything done perfectly--understand that it's a minor miracle to complete. There's also the factor of feeling like you are releasing it from your control and now surrendering to the universe.

Today was a smaller paperwork milestone for me, I dropped off my homestudy report at CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services) for approval. Thanks to KC for going with me. This can take a week or eight weeks, as the secretary reminded me. Once I receive approval, I will then take my homestudy documents to be authenticated by the state department and then my dossier is assembled together and sent to the Ethiopian Government. This is when I will join them on the wait list. I guess that while timing can be so open-ended I really believe that everything will unfold exactly as it should.

When I reflect about the amount of forms I filled out and the level of what I'll call an "inventory check" in every part of my life - I feel both grateful as well as "inside-out". I'm absolutely willing and supportive of the level of checks and balances that occur during the adoption process but to be truthful, it was more than I ever thought. I read a blog where a woman said she averaged "20 hrs/wk for 6 months" on paperwork and I thought wow - it's can't be that much and now the jokes on me. The good news is............................I'm almost done :)

Info on ADDIS ABABA - capital of Ethiopia (pic above)

With over 4 million people, the city is located in the geographic center of the country. It is a diverse and riotous capital city of nearly three million souls, with roughly 80 different nationalities, and a multitude of religious and language groups making up its colorful population. Nestled at the foot of Mount Entoto, the city was founded in the late 1800s by Ethiopian emperor Menelik II and was later occupied by the Italians during the second Italo-Abyssinian War. When Ethiopians regained control, Emperor Haile Selassie immediately set about rebuilding the capital and formed the Organization of African Unity, replaced by today's African Union, which has its headquarters in the city. Addis Ababa is also home to the world-renown early hominid Lucy - her fossilised skeleton, as well as a replica, are housed in the Ethiopian National Museum. The city also boasts the largest open market in Africa (in the Merkato district), several interesting mosques and cathedrals, as well as the world's largest prefabricated building, Shengo Hall, and Menelik's old Imperial Palace, which is the official seat of the Ethiopian government.

Happy Mother's Day!

In the United States, Mother's Day was loosely inspired by the British (Mother's) day and was imported by social activist Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War. However, it was intended as a call to unite women against war. In 1870, she wrote the Mother's Day Proclamation as a call for peace and disarmament......Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.

Mother's Day in Ethiopia occurs in mid-fall when the rainy season ends. Called “Antrosht,” Ethiopians celebrate by making their way home when the weather clears for a large family meal and a three day long celebration. For the feast the children bring ingredients for a traditional hash recipe. The ingredients are divided along gender lines, with girls bringing butter, cheese, vegetables and spices while the boys bring a bull or lamb. The mother prepares the hash and hands it out to the family. After the meal a celebration takes place. The mothers and daughters ritually anoint themselves with butter on their faces and chests. They dance while the men sing songs in honor of family and heroes. This cycle of feasting and celebration lasts two or three days. The picture to the right represents a traditional Ethiopian depiction of Jesus and Mary with distinctively "Ethiopian" features.

Here's a shout out to the wonderful mothers in my life who deserve honoring: mummy, grams, melinda, tina, alexis, kristin, yumi, miwa, wendy, natalie, becky, diane & katelyn. It is with great honor that I look towards the future of motherhood and thank all the mothers in my life - god bless you.

With Love, From Africa

As I was sitting at my desk tonight I had a lovely realization, one that is rather simple and obvious, but nonetheless touched my heart in a way that prompted me to share. All of you know that my brother, Andy, lived in Ghana for several years while in the Peace Corps and he had an amazing experience. He loved the culture and artifacts and brought back the family a wide array of clothing, hats, fabrics and jewelry but the one thing that he brought back to me... The only thing I have from his trip. That's been sitting next to my desk for probably over seven years at this point -- is this African Fertility Goddess.


I always loved the hand carved figure but never realized what symbolism it would embody. Tonight I did a little research and learned the following:
"Asante doll of Ghana known as Akua'ba has entered the Western imagination. With a large moon-shaped head and skinny stick figure, this doll represents a life form yet to have arrived -- the child one hopes to have. As legend has it, a woman named Akua was barren until a healer instructed her to carry and care for a doll as if it were a child. Villagers jeered, but her faith was rewarded with the birth of a daughter -- the "ba," or child, in the doll's name. Now recognized all over Africa as a symbol of political empowerment and intellectual freedom as well as fertility, the doll is mass-manufactured for export and domestic use (both play and ritual)."

I just love that this purposeful & knowing wood carving has been starring me in the eyes, next to my desk, for years, as a symbol of the African child that I am so honored to mother. And a special shout out to Bro for bringing Africa to me with love.

Happy Fasika!

Fasika (Easter), April 27, is the most important festival for Ethiopia's devoted followers of the Orthodox Church. Followers fast for 56 days, abstaining from meat and animal products like egg, butter, and milk. On Easter eve people celebrate and go to church with candles which are lit during a colourful Easter Mass service which begins at about midnight Ethiopian time. People go home to break their fast with the meat of chicken or lamb, slaughtered the previous night, accompanied with injera and traditional drinks (i.e. tella or tej). Like Christmas, Easter is also a day of family re-union, an expression of good wishes with exchange of gifts (i.e. lamb, goat or loaf of bread). Followers celebrate Fasika with intense joy, food, drinks and the exchanging of gifts.






The painting to the left is from Ethiopian artist Genet Alemu, entitled "Woman". I find it beautiful, transporting and unifying.

The Weekend of Baby Mama

It was indeed a Baby Mama weekend. It started with a Friday showing of the movie with fellow Baby Mama KB (who is coincidentally also pregos, carrying twins 2nd/3rd). We were both curious and exited to see Tina Fey in action and while the laughs mostly delivered and the touching story was sweet yet not too sentimental the biggest plus of the film was the chemistry between Tina Fey and Amy Poelher. I guess as I let the film sink in and all the relevant plot points settle in my psyche, I realize that it's just not in the movies that everything happens as it's supposed to.

Then, I continued with a lovely Sunday with New Baby Mama/Pappa Friends, who will be known to this blog at NBM/PF. We started with brunch in Brentwood and I can't tell you how nice it is to just talk about our respective process. I think that because we share all the same elements, we have a therapeutic exchange that, for me, is specific to this relationship. I also think that because I'm trying to not get too detailed about the heavy logistics as I relay it to friends and family that sitting across the table from someone who completely understands my story without me going through every last detail is simply healing.

It's one of those things that I don't even realize about the time together until I stop and feel my heart is lighter. I explained to NBMF that I try to "manage" my emotions surrounding the process so that I can chew off bite size pieces. Everyone who understands adoption and parenting realizes this will not work and NBMF made me realize that as much as I have focused on all the "hard" stuff, it's time to allow my mind to think of the "good" stuff.

...So we headed out shopping on Montana to super-cute baby stores. She told me about what she's got so far and I told her I was waiting...AND then something happened and when I went into the stores, I felt like an expecting mother - which was a newer feeling. I mean it's always been in my head and my heart but now it was like I was announcing it to the world :) I felt like I didn't need to worry or "manage" as it was just a matter of time...

Drum Roll Please - Presenting my first outfit purchase for Liv: peace shirt and flower jeans
(shout out to Lucky Brand kids):


So I think that this weekend, is exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I got to connect and share with great women - thank you both for making me feel like a Baby Mama!

Pray for Peace

U.S. Embassy Addis Ababa
Warden Message
Gas Station Explosions
April 16, 2008

The U.S. Embassy has received reports of two separate explosions in the
early evening of April 14 at two petrol stations in Addis Ababa. Initial
reports indicate that as many as three people were killed and as many as
16 - 19 people injured as a result of the two explosions. One of the
explosions occurred at the National Oil Company (NOC) station in the
vicinity of the Lem Hotel on Haile Gabre Selassie; the other occurred at
another NOC station in the vicinity of the Imperial Hotel. The first
explosion is said to have occurred at approximately 18:45; the second
occurred approximately 10 to 15 minutes later. While the cause of the
explosions have yet to be determined, the fact that the explosions
occurred at close to the same time and at similar service stations,
suggests these may have been targeted incidents. Ethiopian authorities
are investigating the cause of the explosions.

Spring Feels Good

It's been awhile since my first post and that's because I've been tackling paperwork. Between my name change and the adoption paperwork it's been a full time job. I've had quite a few hiccups but nothing that can't be dealt with. The process does have a way of preparing you and I really appreciate that. Right now I'm waiting for my homestudy report to be completed and I'm thinking that in May I will be on the official wait list.

I have had two Parenting classes so far. These classes are specific to to International Adoption. And what I realized is how important that fact is because there are so many specific needs related to international adoption. There were four couples and one other single woman. Korea, China, El Salvador and Ethiopia were represented. I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful couple that are in my exact same situation (same agency, same timing, also choosing an infant girl). I felt in the moment that I met them that we would be life long friends. And because we're on the same track there's a good chance we could travel to Ethiopia together. The fact that my daughter could possibly be a friend with a girl that she shared her first days with is a terribly special thought to me.

In preparation for class yesterday on culture, I had to take an Ethiopian dish to share at the potluck. Those who know me, know I need help in this area...and that's what I got. I found an Ethiopian restaurant near my house and was greeted by the most wonderful woman who instantly knew my situation and hugged me and told me she'd take care of me and that I'd be a staple at her restaurant. It was one of the most loving, special moments to be embraced by a stranger like I was part of her family.

While I think I've finished about 8 books so far (****NOTE, I highly recommend "There is No Me Without You" by Melissa Fay Greene), the classes have opened my eyes to understanding how special my child's needs are and how I need to adapt as well as educate those special in our lives to make sure they understand.

While it feels absolutely right for me to do - it has been hard at times to comprehend that I'm doing this single. That was probably one of the hardest things in the class was seeing couples work through various scenarios together. What I keep remembering is that I have the best group of friends and family and "together we can" (that's for Alexis, Andy and Dad).

I am choosing a girl 4-8months old from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Many people are curious how I came to this decision. I've always been very interested in adoption as well as open to having a natural birth child. This is just what I chose to do first. I'm not sure I can completely explain all the rationale but in terms of some key factors:
--the requirements were more of a match/accepting to my situation
--there is tremendous need in Africa
--Ethiopia has committed to the Hague Adoption laws which is a global initiative to formalize international adoption
--the culture and rich history of Ethiopia is of great interest to me
--it just felt right

I have also decided to name her Liv (keep her natural name as her middle name) Elkins. Liv means "a vow with God" and it sets a wonderful intention for her. While most commonly short for Olivia, it's also short for Elizabeth (my middle name). And I like that connection between us.

There are a couple reasons I'm blogging about this experience:
--I want to include special people into my process
--I want my intentions to be documented for myself and Liv

I feel really right about it all. I certainly have moments of great emotion but I feel extremely honored and privileged to be able to grow my family in this way. I want to give a special thanks to Andy, Alexis, Kristin, Sandro, Russell and Yumi - all amazing people who had to give references on my behalf and I really appreciate the help and support. And a special special thanks to Kris, for being Kris, and letting me know he's there for us.

P.S - I thought that I'd also include some of my favorite things that I'm learning about. Above is one of my favorite Ethiopian paintings.