Motherhood is the most humbling human experiment. Here's what I recognize over and over again. I need to continue to shift my paradigm, & my energy. I have moved through most of my life under major stress and pressures--playing the role of the "over-achiever". My career was ultra demanding and often included unhealthy environments. Like most people, I found a way to move through life greatly over-extended (on all fronts). I would compartmentalize the bad parts and pretend like it was all great.
I realized this wasn't enough for my daughter. As a single working mom, my time is very essential and I committed myself to aligning my time to work that I believed in. I did that and made a major career move thinking I was serving myself and my daughter by spending my time away from her in a way that I could be proud. Sure, it comes with less security and much more risk but it's something that I truly believe in and I'm determined to make the new path work.
What I realized tonight, is that I may have changed professions & priorities for the better but I didn't necessarily change how I moved through life. How I deal with stress. How I hold energy. How I view things. My ridiculously high expectations. My self loathing. My people pleasing burden.
ding. ding. ding.
What I know to be true (thx @Oprah) is that any issue I seem to have is really my issue and that I need to "hold" it differently if I want a new reflection, a healthier energy, a better interaction. I need to relearn how to: let go, love myself, set boundaries, "clean my energy". This obviously needs to be tied to a spiritual practice along with finding tangible tools to keep me in check.
Simple I know but a "ding" for me nonetheless. I'm hoping that I'll be able to hold this "shift" in the highest consciousness so that I can serve LT & myself in the best way.
And thanks LT for giving me some clues to come to this realization --- forever...Learning to Liv.
A human being fashions his consequences as surely as he fashions his goods or his dwelling. Nothing that he says, thinks, or does is without consequences.
Let's see...these seven months on the wait list have flown by. The wait is SO different the second time around for me. Like the last time, I'm very at peace with the wait process. Time has been good to us and I know it will continue that way. I had a meeting with my social worker yesterday and we're probably looking at waiting another 14 months (WHFC) for referral. That feels like it will be right for my family. LT will be approaching 4 and I'm sure primed to have a younger brother. I celebrate lucky number 7 and know that we're where we should be in this journey.
This week we said goodbye to our nanny Tomoko. She has been with us a year. My life line. Tunsitu's caretaker, muse, friend & playmate. Being a new single mother, with a major career change, and no family nearby - Tomoko has meant everything to us. I can't say enough about her contribution in our lives & LT would not be the girl she is without Tomoko's gentle guiding love & amazing Japanese cooking. She gave Tunsitu everything she had and I am forever grateful.
(pic snapped their first week together from inside my house looking out window to the backyard)
Next my brother & Seble are new parents & had their baby girl Emma Rebaka (9/29). I feel so happy for them and can't wait to visit (too bad they are 5hrs away by plane). LT has a beautiful (half Ethiopian ;) cousin. Super duper cool.
Then we had BEADS. Granted I already posted about it but I do consider LT's first hair beads a big deal (giggle)
I wanted to try a special hairdo because we had a goodbye lunch party at the park for Tomoko & LT's 2 best park buddies who's she's played with every week for the last year. We love Gen & Mei & LT will miss the daily sand time at the park very much.
And then today we went to LT's first day of pre-school and it went fabulous. The teacher had us come today for a "goodbye/welcome" ceremony to introduce us to the class & say goodbye to other kids & LT loved it. We walked up to a huge welcome sign with our names on it and all the kids (10) & several parents greeted us. My mom & I observed from the side lines as she participated & made new friends. It was so awesome to see. It is hard to see Tomoko go but it made me giddy to see how much she liked being at school. I am mindful of transitional issues but we had a great first experience. When we left they sang her a song & hugged her goodbye. I'm sure this is standard but it was such a sweet moment. And yes I saved her first school project to frame.
This just about made my heart melt. This is the right place for her.
One of the coolest things was that Grandma (who's out of the country half the year) got to experience it with us & has given both of us some great support during this big transition time. Thank you Grandma!!!
Here's to all the people that help us in our life, milestones & growing our family. This year has been action packed. I can't even imagine what the next year will bring...
This is my story of the journey that led me to Ethiopia to meet my daughter and how she teaches me to Liv everyday.
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." --Antoine De Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince.
The colored stripes on the Ethiopian flag are significant - the red stripe stands for power, faith and blood; the yellow symbolizes peace, natural wealth and love; and the green represents the land and hope. The colors were also interpreted to have a connection to the Holy Trinity, and the three main provinces of Ethiopia. The star represents unity of the people and the races that make up Ethiopia. The five rays on the outside of the star represent prosperity and the blue disk represents peace. The three equal horizontal bands of green (top), yellow, and red with a yellow pentagram and single yellow rays emanating from the angles between the points on a light blue disk centered on the three bands; Ethiopia is the oldest independent country in Africa, and the three main colors of her flag were so often adopted by other African countries upon independence that they became known as the pan-African colors.